As a
research scholar of History at the University of Hyderabad, I hope not to be
judged exclusively on my affiliation to that University simply because its
Department of History is perceived to be good, but not as good as those in the
Jawaharlal Nehru University or the University of Delhi. My fear, therefore, is
that if I were to compete with their students for employment, publication, or
scholarship, I would always find myself on the losing end. If, however, I were
to be judged exclusively on my knowledge and research on History, I believe I
might just be able to manage. Or so I started telling myself since the day I
was convinced of my inability to secure admission in places like these.
Although
this is how I wish to be judged, I rarely judge others as individuals
themselves, satisfied as I am mostly in treating them as personifications of
their institutions. For instance, I assume that every aspiring historian
affiliated to a University I consider better than mine to be better than me,
just as any individual affiliated to a University I consider lesser than mine
to be lesser than me. Unfortunately, this habit extends far beyond the
University into institutions of all sorts. Therefore, if an individual is
published in the right places and praised by the right people, also in the
right places, that individual automatically becomes the right person for me even
without having taken the trouble to read the person myself. The only reason for
such hypocrisy that I can think of is intellectual laziness where the popular
perception of an institution becomes a convenient shorthand for me in judging a
person, a practice that saves me the trouble of taking the time to know the
person as an individual before forming some sort of an opinion of her/him. It
would seem that I have bought - lock, stock, and barrel - into the Curriculum
Vitae life, where the more impressive an individual's CV, the better the
individual herself/himself.
Recently though, this hypocrisy has been troubling me, to the extent that every time I
judge an individual thus, I stop and re-think. Interestingly, I have come
across a few individuals who prefer identifying themselves with their
institutions rather than have themselves treated as individuals. These are
ones, who, sometimes subtly and sometimes not, drop names of institutions, even
of other more illustrious individuals they have associated with, to create an
impression of being impressive by virtue of this association alone. This can
even be seen in contemporary scholarship where certain people are invoked,
time and again, through citations and quotations to supply authority to an argument and, thus, validating it simply by their presence among the
references. While I am usually taken in by any such display of generous
name-dropping, I do wonder, usually later when I am alone, whether there is any
point to being a person whose self-worth is derived not from who they are, but
rather from who they know.
More
importantly though, I wonder why someone would even bother being such a
person. The answer seems to be insecurity, the same insecurity that plagues me
into believing that an institution makes an individual. People like me feel so
paralysed psychologically that without the crutches offered to them by their
institutional affiliations, they feel incapable of standing up and walking on
their own two feet. The only problem is that someday, these crutches will be
taken away and then, we will have nothing to keep us standing. So, here's
hoping that the crutches remain forever. Or, at least, as long as I remain.